David Fingerman

The following is a mindless rant:

I admit that there are a lot of things that are over my head, things I can’t grab the concept of – quantum physics (hell, any math past basic geometry), why toilets flush backward below the equator, why Angelina and Brad got 14 million dollars for pictures of their newborns, the list goes on. There’s the TV commercial where the kids break open the pinata and packets of vegetables fall out. I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong. Then there are the television and movie trailers that say their story is beyond imagination. If so, then how did somebody think of it? And finally – everybody will be talking about it (or everyone is going to love it). Excuse me?

I’m a bit off center. For years people have been telling me that I’m weird. I’ve come to accept that. But I still consider myself a wee bit part of everybody. So when I see a commercial for a show that I’ve never seen, how can they tell me that everybody will be talking about it the next day? Or, it’s the episode you’ve all been talking about. Huh? I’ve never mentioned it. How did I get excluded from everybody? It’s beyond imagination! And I don’t think that I’m the only one. I actually know of three people who don’t own TV sets, and I’d bet that there may be more. (For those of you who don’t know me – this is very tongue-in-cheek, okay? Get over it.) I’d also bet that they don’t talk about TV shows that they’d never heard of. So my question is, who is this everybody?

And everyone will love it? C’mon. How can you have the audacity to say that every single person is going to love that show, or product, or whatever? There are people who don’t love a good back rub, people who don’t love puppies, even people who don’t love freedom. So why on earth would you expect everyone is going to love your new oven cleaner. I got news for you. You said it has a lemony scent – I ain’t gonna love it. Next time you use the phrase everyone will love it – I want to see your documentation proving it.

Okay, okay, I told myself that when I started blogging, I’d keep it focused on writing. So writers – next time you use that inane phrase – everyone will love it, or everyone will be talking about it, please explain who this elite everyone is, and why I’m so rarely a part of it. I really want to know. How else will I learn?

And speaking of writing, in a few months a book of my short stories will be coming out. Please buy a copy. Everyone will love it.

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